In less than 24 hours, Microsoft will host its E3 press conference. The software maker is expected to launch a smaller, slimmer version of the Xbox One, and a fresh leak on the NeoGAF Forums today is providing our first look at the new console. Sources familiar with Microsoft’s Xbox plans had previously told us that the new Xbox One “Slim” would be 40 percent smaller, and the leaked image appears to show a smaller Xbox One in white.
Alongside the image of the console, some specifications are also listed. Microsoft appears to be introducing a 2TB version of the Xbox One S, with support for 4K video playback, and High Dynamic Range (HDR). The image also notes a new “vertical stand” and “streamlined controller,” so the new Xbox One S won’t need to sit horizontally anymore. Ekim, another poster at NeoGAF has also revealed exactly what the vertical Xbox One S looks like thanks to another leaked image. Ekim also claims the power supply for the Xbox One S is built-in, a first for a recent Xbox console. There’s no details on the “streamlined controller,” but the leaked images simply show a refreshed white version. We’re expecting to hear a lot more about the Xbox One S at Microsoft’s press conference tomorrow.
In the last two years, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has made huge strides in how the world looks at the company.
Once viewed as an imperialist tech superpower, Microsoft is now considered a gentle giant willing to partner up with anyone and everyone.
From releasing more Android and iPhone apps, to making its flagship technologies available on competing platforms like Linux, Microsoft is much more open than it used to be.
But this week at the annual E3 video-game expo, Nadella’s peace-and-love philosophy is going to get its biggest test to date, as the company will get up in front of the notoriously finicky gamer community to share the latest on the ongoing merger between the Microsoft Xbox One video-game console and the Windows 10 PC.
Some of the strongest Microsoft-at-E3 rumors on the table include an expanded partnership with recent bestie Facebook to bring the Oculus Rift virtual-reality headset to the Xbox One console, and the opening up of the digital Xbox Store to let players on both Xbox and Windows 10 buy games for the other platform.
Those rumors dovetail nicely with Nadella’s broader ambitions. Microsoft sees Windows 10, which came to the Xbox One console in late 2015, as a single platform for every kind of device — PCs, tablets, phones, virtual reality, and, yes, video-game consoles — so your apps and data can follow you everywhere and anywhere.
“Microsoft holds a unique platform role and is strongly positioned to bridge the community divide between core PC and console gamers,” IHS analyst Piers Harding-Rolls told GamesIndustry.biz.
It’s a now-or-never moment for Microsoft: The rival Sony PlayStation 4 has sold 40 million consoles, while estimates place the Xbox One in the neighborhood of 20 million. (Microsoft no longer reports Xbox sales figures.) Meanwhile, Windows 10 has over 300 million users — giving Xbox games a vast, untapped audience.
Given that Microsoft’s smartphone ambitions never took hold, the Xbox One is the first non-PC, consumer device where the company’s multidevice, one-store-to-rule-them-all approach will really get put to the test.
The problem is that by bringing the Xbox and the PC closer together, Microsoft also risks alienating its most passionate, and most demanding, customers: gamers.
Now or never
In 2013, the Xbox One console had a disastrous launch. It was originally pitched as an all-in-one multimedia device, combining movies and TV with video games — an idea that was met with disdain by its core gamer demographic, who demanded a more dedicated video-games machine.
Microsoft compounded the error with unclear communication on whether the Xbox One would function without an internet connection, which was meant as an antipiracy measure. The final nail in the coffin was a price tag that was $100 higher than the PlayStation 4, thanks to a mandatory Xbox Kinect body-tracking sensor that few games actually took advantage of.
The ensuing backlash hobbled sales of the Xbox One out of the gate, a wound from which it never totally recovered. Meanwhile, sales of the PlayStation 4 exploded.
Microsoft has made several improvements and course-corrections to the system since, but Xbox One sales never properly accelerated, and the company has been living in the shadow of that disaster ever since.
Now Microsoft is throwing itself right back into harm’s way. The PC has a certain stigma, often well deserved, as being a more complicated way to play games. Where a video-game console is designed to just work with the titles designed for it, PC gaming requires ensuring that your hardware and software meet certain minimum specs.
So there’s a concern as to whether putting Windows on the Xbox might overcomplicate what’s been a very straightforward, plug-and-play way to game.
Worse, gamers are wary that the Xbox One could just become more like a generic PC, drifting away from its focus on gaming to fulfill Microsoft’s relentless push to put Windows 10 everywhere.
The bigger picture
To preemptively deflect charges of getting away from gaming, expect Microsoft to keep hammering its message of more-games-everywhere.
With an expanded digital store, and an Oculus Rift virtual-reality integration, it means that the Xbox One will one day have access to Windows games, Xbox games, and Oculus VR games. It’s a potentially more vast games library than Sony could ever muster with the PlayStation 4, even with its forthcoming PlayStation VR headset.
After all, even when Sony releases a new, more powerful version of the PlayStation 4 later this year, it’s still limited to PlayStation 4 games, and PlayStation 4 developers, and PlayStation 4 owners. Microsoft has access to Windows developers, and all of the more than 300 million Windows 10 users.
In so doing, Microsoft stands to increase overall adoption of Windows 10: Whether you’re playing on an Xbox or a PC, it’s all just Windows. With the growth of Windows 10, Microsoft stands to make money from stuff like transactions in the Windows Store or the premium Xbox Live gaming service.
Still, melding the Xbox One and Windows 10 also fulfills another strategic imperative for Microsoft. Nadella has long said that he sees the Xbox One as the company’s play for the living room and connected home, competing with the likes of the Amazon Echo and Apple TV.
That means the real test for Microsoft will be to choose its words, and its announcements, carefully. Microsoft may be newer and friendlier nowadays, but it’s walking a tightrope with an audience that could make or break its next big bet.
President and global CEO of Sony Interactive Entertainment Andrew House told the Financial Times that the “high-end PS4” will also be more expensive than the company’s current $350 offering. The PlayStation 4 launched in November 2013 at $400.
The revelation comes after months of rumors that Sony was working on a more powerful console, intended to offer better graphics as well as support for 4K televisions. In a rare, rumor-to-actuality convergence, House confirmed the console is indeed nicknamed “Neo.” He said it is aimed at enthusiast gamers or anyone looking to consume 4K content.
Both the current and new versions are intended to exist in tandem, said House, with the extra development expense for software developers being “small but manageable.” Both versions will support the forthcoming PlayStation VR headset, due this October. House said the company expects to sell both consoles “through the life cycle.”
House assured the Times interoperability wouldn’t be an issue. “All games will support the standard PS4 and we anticipate all or a very large majority of games will also support the high-end PS4,” said House. If 4K support or visual upgrades aren’t of interest, Sony is saying existing PlayStation 4 owners won’t miss out, software-wise.
Why not show Neo off at the sprawling E3 game show in Los Angeles next week? House said it’s because Sony wants “to ensure we have a full range of the best experiences on the new system that we can showcase in their entirety.” It’s also possible the company’s saving a formal unveiling for Europe’s analogous game show, Gamescom, in mid-August.
In a few days, Bethesda kicks off the annual E3 expo with its second-ever press conference, and the pressure is on. The company made an impressive debut last year with the official reveal for Fallout 4 as well as the surprise launch of Fallout Shelter, and rumors are beginning to swirl about what we’ll be seeing this year. We know we’ll be getting a look at Dishonored 2, and it’s reasonable to assume we’ll see the next major expansion for Fallout 4 as well. rumor has it we’ll also be getting Wolfenstein 2,The Evil Within 2, Prey 2, and, most interestingly, a remaster of The Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim for current-gen consoles.
That’s what Eurogamer and always talkative industry insider Shinobi602 are saying, at least. The remaster would come with updated visuals, all DLC and, crucially, mod support ala Fallout 4. That last one is probably the biggest deal, and the one thing that might rope in Skyrim players that devoured the thing first time around but might not might come back just for better visuals. After all, Skyrim already has a mature and developed modding scene, and I’d be interested in showing up for some new weapons, armor, enemies and the like.
It’s an exciting prospect on a certain level: I’m a sucker for Elder Scrolls and Fallout games, and I’ll play them wherever I can find them. Part pf me, however, wishes that the team wasn’t putting the effort into Skyrim. It was a great game, but we all played it not too long ago, and it wasn’t the best game in the series anyway. Some readers will already know where I’m going next: I’d sell my soul for a modern console remaster of Morrowind, but something tells me I’m not going to get it. It wouldn’t come with the same mod excitement: Morrowind has mods, of course, but they wouldn’t be up to par with modern visual expectations.
We’ll see, however. Bethesda has kept secrets before, and it’s entirely possible that the company has something up its sleeve for this press conference that hasn’t been leaked to death already. Check it out on Sunday.
Xbox Mini? Xbox Slim? Xbox VR? Anonymous sources say we can expect all of them from Microsoft.
by Sean Hollister via CNET
It used to work like this:
1. Buy a game console.
2. Spend the next five, six, seven, eight years enjoying it, until Microsoft, Sony and Nintendo introduce the next console generation.
Soon, that concept of a “console generation” may be no more. A flurry of rumors suggest that both Sony and Microsoft will introduce new and improved versions of their existing game consoles as soon as this year, and announce them this very month. Sony may introduce the so-called “PlayStation Neo” at E3 in Los Angeles, and as for Microsoft…well, if these rumors are to be believed, Microsoft may have as many as four different Xbox devices to offer.
Here’s what the rumor mill tells us about each one.
Xbox One Slim
The current Xbox One is huge. It makes the rival PS4 look tiny by comparison. But imagine if Microsoft shrunk it down to become the smallest Xbox ever.
According to sources who spoke to Kotaku, Polygon and The Verge, that’s exactly what’s happening: the Xbox One Slim (not a real name) will be 40% smaller than the current model. It will allegedly be cheaper, too, and yet offer 2TB of storage space — double the capacity of the highest-end Xbox One available now.
Rumor says it’ll come with a slightly redesigned Xbox One gamepad, and may natively support 4K televisions as well. We don’t have any leaked pictures of the new Xbox yet, but sources believe it’s slated to ship in August.
While it’s normal for Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo to release slimmer versions of their consoles during their long lifespans, such as the PS3 Super Slim and Xbox 360 Slim, the next rumor you’re about to read is for something much different.
Xbox One VR
If you wait until late 2017, say some of the same anonymous sources, there could be a much more powerful Xbox One on tap — one that supports virtual reality. The Xbox One VR (also not a real name), codename “Scorpio,” is allegedly a beefed-up Xbox One with a new graphics chip that gives the console four times the horsepower. That’s enough graphical oomph, reportedly, to power an Oculus Rift VR headset.
Microsoft doesn’t have a VR headset of its own, and it denies interest in making one anytime soon. (The Microsoft HoloLens is not a VR headset, and is likely years away). So it’s initially surprising to hear that Microsoft might have an Xbox designed to support virtual reality.
But anonymous sources aren’t the only ones who are suggesting that Microsoft might have suddenly taken an advanced interest in VR. A game developer at a “well-known European studio” let slip to Ars Technica that his company was working on an Xbox One VR title for 2017, and the official E3 exhibitor list now has a category for Xbox One Virtual Reality developers.
Xbox One Mini and Stick
If you believe the sources of veteran Microsoft reporter Tom Warren, Microsoft has been working on a pair of Xbox One media streaming devices for years: one a small set-top box to compete with the Apple TV, and the other a HDMI stick more like a Google Chromecast.
And if you believe Brad Sams, another Microsoft reporter who correctly predicted the Xbox One Elite Controller, Microsoft will actually announce both those streaming devices at E3 this year for roughly $150 (approximately £104 or AU$208) and $100 (approximately £69, AU$138) respectively.
The Xbox One Mini (not a real name) is believed to be a tiny stripped down Xbox that would be able to play lightweight games and apps, taking advantage of the fact that Microsoft is unifying its Windows and Xbox app stores to make some Windows programs available on Xbox and vice versa. Though no rumor has yet corroborated this, it would presumably ditch the Xbox’s optical drive.
Meanwhile, the Xbox Stick (yet another made-up name) is allegedly pegged as a way to stream games from an Xbox in one room of your house to a TV in another room using wireless technology. That wouldn’t be too much of a stretch, given you can already stream Xbox One games to a Windows 10 PC.
Overarching Xbox vision
Why four devices? We don’t know for sure — but they appear to revolve around a new Microsoft initiative, codename Project Helix, to bring the worlds of Windows and Xbox much closer together.
This March, we learned that Microsoft intends to release every new game it creates for Windows and Xbox simultaneously. One month later, Microsoft announced that it would fulfill its long-standing promise to let the Xbox One run Windows apps — not just games.
Both announcements rely on developers building so-called “universal” apps set of tools and practices dubbed the “Universal Windows Architecture” (UWA).
But Microsoft needs new hardware to get developers excited enough to build those apps in the first place. If Microsoft can tell developers that their UWA apps will run on a host of new devices that consumers are likely to have in their homes, including ones as cheap and portable as HDMI sticks, that could be some serious incentive to build for Microsoft’s platform — where Microsoft gets a cut of every sale.
If it works, it could be pretty nice for gamers too: In March, Xbox boss Phil Spencer imagined a future where your game library would never go out of date. Traditionally, each new generation of game consoles isn’t “backwards-compatible” with games from previous generations. They typically don’t work due to differences in the architecture of the processors inside.
But if Microsoft can get developers to build universal apps that work across different types of hardware, console gamers could enjoy the same benefit as today’s PC gamers — whose games just keep looking better, instead of going obsolete, as they upgrade to more powerful processors and graphics cards.
The one thing most people probably don’t think about when going into a GameStop is having to fend for their lives against armed robbers, almost taken right out of some of the action games they play. Well, that’s exactly what happened with one seven-year-old who was attending a GameStop with his family.
As you can see in the video above, posted on YouTube by mcpdmedia, the child is walking around in the GameStop when two masked, armed robbers waltz through the front door. The child is then grabbed by one of the robbers, but takes a stuffed Yoshi doll and proceeds to beat and punch on the armed robber while being dragged over to his parents. The boy and his parents were there shopping for a Yoshi doll from Nintendo’s popular Super Mario series.
According to Geek.com, the robbery took place on Friday, May 20th. The article further explains that after the two men entered into the store, they ordered everyone to get down on the floor. One of them then proceeded to ask the seven-year-old boy to move over near the register and get on the floor alongside his parents; the boy refused.
The robber then decided to reach out and grab the boy, at which point the boy began fighting back, all the way to the register where the robber had him lay down where the clerks and his parents were.
The robbery took place at a GameStop store in Silver Spring, Maryland. After the robbers had everyone get down and face the wall behind the counter, they proceeded to steal some personal belongings and all the cash out of the register.
The two perpetrators managed to escape the scene, and are still at large as of the publishing of this article.
The parents of the boy who fought back against the robber note that their son was likely just reacting instinctively. According to WJLA News, the father of the seven-year-old explained to them…
He’s a brave little boy, and he recognized he was in a dangerous situation, […] And there was a stranger and he was trying to defend himself.
Most times when the “fight or flight” instinct kicks in, it results in standing absolutely still, frightened beyond belief, and possibly wetting one’s pants. Other times people flee in terror. It’s rarely ever a response to fight back, unless clear-headed (or reckless) intentions are outlined in the mind of a potential victim. In this case, the kid wasn’t going to go down without a fight, so he gave the perpetrators all he could before being forced to the ground.
Strangely enough, the robbers did not take any of the actual video games in the store. One of the officers mentioned to WJLA that video games can be expensive so there’s a lot of cash traded around in GameStop stores, but it kind of seems odd that the thieves didn’t at least grab a PlayStation 4 or two for trading purposes. In fact, they left the Xbox One, Wii U, and other expensive gaming gear completely alone. They must not have had much of an interest in the actual games.
As for the seven-year-old, he’ll go down in history as a kid who fought off robbers while trying to protect video games.
The PlayStation 4 and PC gaming worlds join in mourning this weekend as it is officially confirmed that No Man’s Sky has been delayed. Fear not, though, would-be space travelers, as you won’t be asked to wait too much longer before finally diving into the great unknown.
Originally set to launch on June 21, it was announced this weekend that No Man’s Sky is officially being delayed by about seven weeks, not hitting store shelves both physical and virtual until Aug. 9. That’s the North American launch date, with Europe set to go on Aug. 10 and the UK getting its hands on No Man’s Sky on Aug. 12.
It’s been a long road to launch for folks who have been anticipating No Man’s Sky since it was originally shown off a couple of years ago at E3. Hello Games’ Sean Murray was marched out onto the Sony press conference stage to share his vision, a game with unprecedented scale geared at players with a hunger for exploration and adventure. More impressive was the fact that his indie studio, Hello Games, was literally creating a game with a living, breathing galaxy within it.
Flash forward 12 months to E3 2015 and Sean Murray was back on the E3 stage, announcing that No Man’s Sky was on track for a launch on PlayStation 4 and PC. A bit later we finally got an initial launch date, which was set at June 21.
According to Sean Murray, and pretty much confirmed by the fact that the delay isn’t all that long, the game is basically complete. He said that, with final deadlines approaching, though, the team realized there were some key moments that needed “extra polish” to bring them up to snuff.
The game really has come together, and it’s such an incredible relief. As we sit and play it now, and as I watch playtesters every day, I can finally let myself get excited. We’re actually doing this.
Since this game has been such a big title for Sony these past couple of years, we fully expect to see it at E3 in a couple of weeks, once again wowing the audience as even more gameplay elements are revealed. We’ve got our fingers crossed that it’ll be playable for visitors, too.
As Sean Murray points out, the universe in No Man’s Sky is basically unfathomable and aims to achieve things that no other video game has managed. You can’t blame the guy for wanting to get it right and taking the time to do so. He goes on to thank the community for its patience and reminds readers that, with only one shot to get No Man’s Sky right, “we can’t mess it up.”
Perusing some of the comments, it sounds like the community agrees. Personally, I pretty much planned on making No Man’s Sky my whole-damn-summer game, but I’d rather it be right than right now, so I’m happy to wait.
It’s as official as possible without being officially official: According to numerous sources speaking with Kotaku, Microsoft will release a new, more powerful version of the Xbox One (code named Scorpio) in 2017. This doesn’t come as a big surprise, seeing as Xbox heaD Phil Spencer strongly hinted at an upgraded Xbox One several months ago. And with all the rumors we’ve been hearing lately about a PlayStation 4.5, it seems inevitable that we’ll be getting new gaming hardware from all of the major console makers much quicker than anyone expected.
This signals a major shift in the video game industry, which has always progressed through “console generations,” periods of five or more years between new, better hardware. The Xbox One Scorpio and PlayStation 4.5 would be “half-step” consoles that extend the current console generation indefinitely. Microsoft’s Phil Spencer envisions a future for Xbox that looks like the iPhone. New models are introduced over the years, but they maintain compatibility with the games and apps that came before.All of this begs the question: Are frequent console upgrades a good thing? Here are some pros and cons about the rumored Xbox One Scorpio.
Pro: Potentially endless backwards compatibility
If you like playing old games, you know how much of a pain it is to keep all of your video game consoles plugged into a TV. According to Phil Spencer, if the future of Xbox plays out how he outlined earlier this year, all Xbox One games will still be playable on all Xbox consoles going forward. That means, in theory, that your copy of Halo 5 will be compatible with whatever an Xbox is in 2035.
Con: You’ll probably spend more money
No one has to buy a super-charged Xbox One Scorpio, of course, but if you want to stay current on video games, you’ll need to get one eventually. That’s too bad, because most Xbox One owners bought their console with the expectation that they’d have a system capable of playing state-of-the-art Xbox games for a good five to 10 years. More frequent hardware refreshes means more money for gamers who want to stay current.
Pro: Better graphics
Obviously, a more powerful new console allows for better looking games. Standard Xbox One games already look pretty fantastic as they are now, but with hardware powerful enough to pump out 4K graphics and power an Oculus Rift — as the rumors suggest — the Xbox One Scorpio could run games that look even more incredible.
Con: Xbox gaming would be more complicated
One great thing about console gaming is that if you own the console, you know you can play any game made for that console. That’s not the case with PC gaming, where games have required hardware specs and occasional compatibility issues with certain PC parts. With a new, more powerful Xbox One coming out, the Xbox One market will be split. Some people will have the original Xbox One, while others will have the newer, more powerful Xbox One Scorpio. It seems likely that games in the future will drop compatibility with the original Xbox One.
Pro: The Oculus Rift could come to Xbox One Scorpio
With Sony set to launch PlayStation VR in October, Microsoft’s virtual reality future looks bleak, seeing as it hasn’t announced anything at all for Xbox gamers (HoloLens doesn’t count). If the rumors are true and Microsoft is looking to partner with Oculus to bring the VR headset to Xbox One Scorpio, it would be a major boon for Microsoft and Xbox fans.
If Microsoft does launch a new and improved Xbox One in 2017, it will shake up much of what gamers have come to expect from consoles. It’s pretty exciting, even if I’m not looking forward to dropping several hundred dollars on a new console that’s only marginally better than the one I already own.
While Microsoft is rumored to be planning two new “Xbox TV” streaming devices at E3, it appears a slimmer and smaller Xbox One will be unveiled too. References to a new Xbox One wireless chip were discovered last month, and now Kotaku claims Microsoft will release a “cheaper, small Xbox One” later this year. The updated Xbox One is rumored to include a larger 2TB hard drive. Sources familiar with Microsoft’s Xbox plans tell The Verge that the refreshed Xbox One will be 40 percent smaller than the current model, and will likely include 4K video support.
Microsoft is also reportedly planning a larger update to the Xbox One next year. Codenamed Scorpio, Kotaku claims the new console will have a more powerful GPU to support 4K gaming, and that “it will also be technically capable of supporting the Oculus Rift.” Microsoft is reportedly pursuing a partnership with Oculus, but the details seem vague and it’s not clear if this will mean native support of Oculus Rift on the new Xbox One or the previously announced game streaming to the VR headset.
Microsoft’s new consoles are part of what’s described as “Project Helix,” to converge Xbox and Windows 10 gaming. Microsoft is expected to talk more about part of its efforts towards this at E3 next month, and announce the smaller Xbox One console. The Verge will be covering Microsoft’s E3 event live at 12:30PM ET / 9:30AM PT on June 13th.
Disclaimer: This is a very personal story, one I’ve been meaning to write for a while. Given my career path and retro-gaming area of expertise, this is just the best way I could tell it creatively. Please don’t mistake my tone for trivializing a serious issue. This is a very important topic to me.
I write to you today a survivor from the seventh layer of my own personal hell. If you’ve ever been unfortunate enough to live through one of the most excruciating painful experiences known to man, then you’re about to get a fresh reminder of those long sleepless nights and dreary days spawned by powerful painkillers.
I’m, of course, talking about kidney stones. Over the course of my 30 years of existence, I’ve unfortunately suffered through about a dozen of these calcified demons, and I work hard everyday to drink enough water and manage my diet to make sure it does not happen again.
I’m roughly three years kidney stone free since starting this management, and I’m grateful every single day that I wake up pain-free. However, the slightest lingering pain in my lower-left back can still send chills down my spine for days on end until I feel it’s safe enough to relax.
Yes, kidney stones are among the absolute worst, and I’m here to help with the aid of video games. More specifically, NES classics that are bound to help you better understand exactly what kidney stones are and how to react to them.
These are five NES classics that you should play when your kidney has literally stabbed you in the back and sent torturous, jagged rocks through the most sensitive area of your body.
Life Force
Konami’s excellent NES SHMUP Life Force is actually a spin-off of its better known SHMUP series, Gradius. This classic improves the established formula in a few ways, but what’s even more unique about it is that it takes place entirely inside of a living organism.
Levels design themselves based on different areas within an alien body, and both common enemies and boss fights tend to be a twisted combination of mechanical and biological in design. Who could ever scrub from their memories that horrific brain boss at the end of level 1?
Players take control of a little white jet that navigates these thin tunnels, and one bullet or wayward enemy is all it takes to wreck your mission. Crashing into the ground also causes your ship to explode, and it is here that we find our similarities to kidney stones.
Some who have lived through kidney stones might think that the most overrated part of the experience is when it actually leaves your body. The image of passing a stone while going to the bathroom is enough to make anyone shudder, but it’s actually the easiest part, in my experience at least. Mine have been relatively small compared to what others have seen, though. A pinch of pain, a sudden spurt, and poof, it’s over.
Even so, I think most would agree that the hard part is actually the journey from the kidney into the bladder through the ureter. Kidney stones only hurt when they are in motion. They are sharp, jagged little beasts that literally slice you every single millimeter along the way. Could be two months, could be half a week, but you’ll know exactly when that thing is moving every inch of its journey.
I hope the imagery is catching on here. A small, sharp white object navigating through thin tunnels surrounded by living tissue. Just like a kidney stone, the jets in Life Force are of no risk if one can successfully guide its way through each level. Skilled players try with all their concentration to navigate, shoot, and dodge in tight quarters to make sure the worst doesn’t happen.
But when that jet steers the wrong way and crashes it jagged edges into a fleshy corridor… game over, man.
Little Nemo: The Dream Master
Capcom’s 8-bit interpretation of the 1989 remake of Winsor McCay’s classic comic. Little Nemo: The Dream Master is an excellent Mega Man clone that oozes personality. It sets itself apart from others using a unique mechanic that allows our hero to overtake the bodies of animals, contriving their powers to aid in traversing this brutal game’s torturous levels.
Nemo can take the form of a frog, mole, or gorilla and ride on the backs of lizards or hornets. And the way he can whip these animal buddies into obedience is to lull them to sleep by feeding them candy. Sweet, sweet, lovely candy that puts them right to sleep before he pounces.
Now, obviously the image of wonderful candy that puts monsters to sleep is every kidney stone sufferer’s personal savior. Delicious, wonderful goodness that not only tastes like your favorite arranged flavor but also sends you off to dreamland after a quick dose or two? Absolutely!
Kidney stones can be rough enough to deny anybody sleep, and even then, sleep is the only relief from the constant pain that these horned abominations can delve out. I remember waking up some mornings during my trials and just praying, hoping to everything that the day would not come and that I could just magically be whisked away to an unconscious state.
Luckily, drugs do allow that, and in North America, it’s not much of a problem.Take your pill, go to sleep or at least walk around in a relatively pain-free, barely aware state. In Japan, where I have had several stones erupt, it’s not quite so simple in that the medicine doctors prescribe aren’t exactly taken… “orally.”
I don’t think I need to spell it out any further, but I would definitely prefer Little Nemo’s dream candy to what the official solution is.
Popeye
Nintendo doesn’t dive into licensed properties very often, but did you know that one of its original arcade games and NES launch titles was actually a Popeye game? Don’t get too excited. There’s not much to it, and this second-thought projects feels more like a bad Donkey Kong knock-off than anything else.
Still, Nintendo working with a popular character that is not one of its own? That’s enough to churn anyone’s curiosity! How exactly does the spinach-swilling sailor tie into kidney stones? Well, pretty easily, actually.18
So, you’ve done it! You’ve passed the stone and you’re back at the hospital for a follow-up appointment. Like a good patient, you caught the devious cretin in a filter provided by your doctor, and his lab assistants have had ample time to study it and tell you exactly what caused it.
What was it? What did I put into my body that could have possibly caused me such ill-fortune? I mean, I hear a lot of french fries and get a real sweet-tooth for chocolate this time of year. Could that be it?
“No,” the doctor says. “Those certainly don’t help, but this stone was actually caused by calcium oxalate.”
And what is the most common food that contains calcium oxalates? You guessed it… spinach! I’ve improved my diet a lot over the last few years, mostly thanks to this thing called “marriage,” but back when I was suffering through kidney stones, I ate a lot of junk food.
One of the few healthy foods I genuinely loved was just that… spinach.
And it was also the cause of all my pain and sorrow in the world. The doctor instructed me to eat it with a special Japanese fish to cancel out the oxalate reaction or try a substitute like Japanese “komatsuna” which doesn’t have calcium oxalate, but it’s just not the same.
I love spinach, so much, and being banned from it just makes me crave it more. After playing this horrible Popeye game for hours on end, though, that should be enough to kill any love for the leafy vegetable. Ugh, what was Nintendo thinking?
Sorry, no spinach. Still, that’s the sacrifice one must make if they want to remain healthy. Management and balance. It’s not always junk food that must be cut.
Super Mario Bros. 2
Needs no introduction. Super Mario Bros. 2 is not the realSuper Mario Bros. 2, but anyone who says that we should have gotten the actual one back in the day is just plain wrong. This is an excellent game, and it is aging just fine alongside its NES brothers.
Now, kidney stones generally occur within older people or those who are overweight. During the peak of my kidney stone era, when I had three in a single year, I maxed out at about 195 lbs, the heaviest I have ever been in my life. Not severely overweight, given that I’m a pretty tall guy, but definitely not an ideal weight either.
However, the doctors said that it was not enough to garner such frequent kidney stones in a mid-twenties year old man, and one figured that there must be an underlying problem besides my diet. Turns out, he was correct.
Unknown to both my parents and me, my left kidney is actually a “double pelvic/double ureter” kidney. This means that it operates as two separate kidneys and both have ureters that connect to the bladder.
It’s not exactly a dangerous situation, but it can lead to an increase in kidney stones. Water is important for a kidney to function properly as it keeps them hydrated, and flushed kidneys means less chance of calcified chunks to take form. However, with a split kidney, water will usually travel to the larger, healthier, and more “normal” half, meaning that the weaker, smaller half tends to be drier unless the body is constantly hydrated.
This smaller half was the reason for my kidney stones. Fine, I keep myself hydrated, and if things get too serious, the doctors say I’ll still have the larger half working properly if the lower half ever needs to come out. Surgery is “unlikely” if I treat my body properly, but “unlikely” is not a word hypochondriacs, like myself, want to hear.
“I have a defective kidney.” The psychological impact of something being “wrong” inside your body is a heavy burden on anybody’s soul. Even if the situation is not immediately dangerous and problems can be picked up from a mile away now that I know about it, the idea of something “wrong” inside took a lot to get over.
But hey, it’s okay! Super Mario Bros. 2 has a lot of elements inside of it too that other Super Mario Bros. games don’t have. Lifting enemies above Mario’s head, POW blocks, an entirely new army of enemies to battle, Princess Toadstool and Toad as playable characters. Super Mario Bros. 2 might be “defective” and “wrong” on the inside, but it’s still a beloved game that hangs with the best of its legendary siblings.
Likewise, my kidney might be strange and weird, but it still functions. The doctor also graciously reminded me that it has kept me going for 30 years, so it can’t be that useless. Hopefully, it has many more years of health now that I know how to properly treat it.
If you can’t tell by the length of this section, coming to terms with this was actually harder than passing the kidney stones themselves. Getting the bloody thing out is only half the battle. The rest is figuring out how to stop them from forming.
No fifth game. Why is that? Because when you have a kidney stone, video games are the last thing on your mind!
You can’t sit and enjoy your hobby because a sharp piece of waste is constantly tearing your insides. You’re constantly exhausted because you can’t sleep at night, and when you can sleep, it’s because you’ve taken drugs that knock you out through chemical induced “fake” sleep.
Constantly lingering on the verge of consciousness, constantly fighting back tears of pain, constantly drinking water to keep the flow moving and ureters flushed, constantly releasing that water. Sitting on heating pads, family members propping you up if you need to walk outside or even to the john.
Seriously, who has time for videos games when your body is in such a ragged condition like this? Who can concentrate and dedicate the grueling attention required by this brutal era of level design? If you play anything on your NES, it might as well be Wheel of Fortune or something that doesn’t require quick reactions or a whole lot of focus. Because attention is something you have very little give when the horrible bits of evil are traveling through your body.
Take care, drink a lot of water, stay in shape, and treat your kidneys nicely. They are two of the most important organs in your body, and if you respect them, they’ll do their job and keep you alive. Mistreat them… they will stab you in the back.
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